Signed and Sealed

Ok so we’ve established that recruiting is pretty much over…and now that I’ve officially signed my offer letter…it’s most definitely totally over.

Now that the FedEx is shipped off, I have to start getting ready for my first professional experience as a management consultant in New York City.

That faint cheer you just heard was all the AT&T diaspora living in the area, as well as the family, who are excited that I’ll be closer to home.

It was a pretty difficult decision, but I think I made the right one. And since I’m sure everyone wants to know how I made the decision, I thought I’d write up the breakdown I put together.

I had three choices, all in consulting. So I listed out all the critical attributes and compared them. I focused on the pros and cons of the most critical factors…

1 The city for the office – Because if I’m going to be spending three days a week there, it should at least have a nice skyline or something

2 The respective toys each company gave me – because nothing persuades me more than a $0.05 piece of plastic from the Corporate Oriental Trading Company…except maybe TWO $0.05 pieces of plastic

3 The relative finery of their respective pitch events – Short of finding a nice Chicago cougar, I’m probably not going to get very many free nice dinners for the rest of my life

LOCATION

Firm 1 - Philadelphia

Pros: Free Rent!!! Plus use of the pool when the parents are out of town, and unlimited TV watching after 10pm

Cons: Hard to persuade women that I actually own a five bedroom house and rent it out to a weird family that superimposed me into all their vacation photos

Firm 2 - New York

Pros: One of the media capitals of the world…hard to beat for someone who wants to consult in that industry

Cons: If paying two rents weren’t excited enough, one of them gets to be in NYC. What is especially ridiculous is that my offers for all three locations were nearly identical in terms of salary. What sense does that make given the ridiculous disparity in costs of living? The interns I know in Cleveland have already put down payments on mansions.

Firm 3 - Suburban Detroit

Pros: Umm….they offered me a free rental car and $800/month for rent assistance. I think that might be enough to be mayor

Cons: Aversion to street violence, and allergies to Kevlar would mean the occasional rash

COMPANY TOYS

Firm 1:

Company Water bottle, pens, one of those small drawstring mini-backpack things

Analysis:
Decent, although for some reason, the firm’s water bottle is roughly 1/3 the size of all other consulting firm water bottles, raising issues of size inadequacy. I also tend to drink a lot of water, so maybe they aren’t the right fit???

Firm 2:

At first, didn’t get anything, not even the ubiquitous water bottle. What gives??? Am I supposed to accept their offer tchotchke-less??? (Note to self, Word doesn’t recognize tchotchke…remember to raise issue with Yiddish authorities)

Analysis:
I came home last week to find a surprise package waiting for me. Turns out I get a tchotchke after all. It came in a nice little blue box (which will be excellent for re-gifting!). I had no idea what it could be, but it turned out to be a pretty sweet money clip (I guess because the firm appreciates irony?) Regardless, once I get some money, I might use it. I may also go get $50 in ones so it doesn’t feel unwanted.

Firm 3:

Nothing really, a round tin of curiously strong mints

Analysis:
Surprisingly good mints, they really came in handy in ensuring decent breath for other interviews.

PITCH EVENTS

Firm 1 – Dinner at French/Vietnamese Fusion restaurant

Analysis:
Really good food, plus Tsingtao, which was a nice change of pace from my typical Miller Lite

Firm 2 – Bulls/Cavs game

Analysis:
Got to see LeBron, he’s pretty good. Also confirmed the universal law that all stadium luxury boxes MUST have chicken fingers at ALL TIMES. Good thing chicken fingers are awesome

Firm 3 – Two dinners at different steakhouses

Analysis:
I don’t want to see another cow as long as I live.

So when I broke it all down, LeBron and the money clip won out over the breath mints and water bottle. (Note: everything contained within this post is purely recreational and meant in jest…all firm names have been expunged to protect my employability)

Get ready New York…here I come.